Whether you know me personally or just get glimpses of me online, it's no secret that depression and anxiety have followed me my whole life. I've dealt with multiple traumatic events in my life, least of which were becoming orphaned by both my parents before age 16. My divorce was a rebirth of sorts; it was the marriage that was traumatic. But even worse than the trauma, it seems, is the boredom that comes with complacency.
Our home is paid for, so are the cars. We have living expenses, a couple of credit cards and some medical bills. But for the most part, we don't have any giant stressors. Even our jobs are fairly stress-free. Our children are grown and our animals have entered their late golden years. We're still years away from retirement. To say that our lives have melded into a comfortable routine would be an understatement.
But the thing is, it's not comfortable. It's boring. I go to bed. I get up. I work. I clean. I go to bed. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
I have zero initiative to do anything. Be anywhere. See anyone. I have no reason to get out of bed every day. I have nothing to look forward to. No "count downs" to something fun.
Most of all, I'm lonely. I miss long chat sessions with my bestie. I miss our road trips and shenanigans. I miss her optimism, her way of turning even the worst situation into something laughable. Aside from her, I miss just being in the company of other women who get me. I miss lingering over a long dinner. Or going for a drive and discussing the deep shit. I miss that sisterhood that comes from being in the presence of women.
I'm not sure what I need to get out of this funk. I'm open to ideas, although if it involves exercise or working more, I will ignore you.
